Saturday, February 11, 2012

I'm not a pedophile, either...

I'll admit that my slight crush on Liam Hemsworth (Gale from the upcoming movie The Hunger Games) borders on pervy since he's only supposed to be 18 in the movie, but for the record, he's 22.  Back off.  This in no way means that I lust after high school boys.  In fact, I couldn't have been more uncomfortable when I found myself in attendance at a high school wrestling tournament this afternoon.

One of my best friends has a son who is a freshman in high school.  During football season, supporting him wasn't such an issue, but she's finding it a bit, well, awkward being a single-early-thirty-something sitting alone in the bleachers while teenage boys role around trying to "pin" one another.  I'll leave that one alone (too easy).  She asked me and another friend (male) to go with her.

First off, the unitard.  Okay fiiiiiine, singlet.  Seriously?  I understand the movement required and that the clothing needs to stay in place and whatnot.  I also understand that wrestling has used them for a looong time.  However, I'm a fan of MMA and BJJ, and they fight in shorts.  They make it work.  And they roll around on the ground too, yo. I successfully diverted my eyes as much as I could, but my dear friend pointed out that they don't wear cups!!  You can see everything!!  If I bleach my eyes, will I go blind?

Next, what kind of superhuman growth hormones are they putting in Slim Jims nowadays???  This was a FRESHMAN competition and some of these kids are HUGE!!!  As they circled one another I totally expected one to throw his arms into the air and roar like a bear to intimidate the other one.

The neck pulling.  Ouch!  Don't hurt my sweetie's neck!!!  His mother is Puerto Rican!!  She'll beat your ass, kid.

Finally, well, shit.  I don't know how to put this delicately.  What the FUCK is the purpose of the long rubber thing that looks like a double-sided dildo that the kid by the score table caries around?!?  I never saw him use it for any legitimate purpose.  He just walked around waving it about and smacking the ground.  WHAT IS ITS PURPOSE?!?

Okay.  I feel better.  I'll also ignore the obvious criticisms like the positions, and one's preference to "top" or "bottom."  However, I will say that I have a new appreciation for my father and any other dad that has to watch his daughter's dance competitions.  It's awkward when watching seems inappropriate and looking away seems rude.  Still wanna know what the dildo is for though...

I'll leave you with this little gem.  You're welcome.

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